walking the sacred spiral
walking the sacred spiral
Not long ago I did a couple of emptied-nest rituals for friends whose daughters had graduated from college and moved out of town to start their adult lives in earnest. Both told me they felt changed by the experience.
Next Saturday there will be a memorial in Washington State for my sister-in-law, and family members who live nearby or can make their way there will be in attendance. Though of various faiths, the family understands and respects the importance of sharing this ritual together.
Last Sunday I participated in a huge Wedding Expo here in Santa Rosa, California, where hundreds of brides and grooms, with their families and / or bridesmaids accompanying them, came to explore a seemingly infinite variety of options for wedding photography, food, music, invitations, decor, officiants, favors, make-up, clothing, venues, wines, and transportation as they prepare for their wedding days. There were even booths for dental work and plastic surgery!
The rituals we use to mark the important passages in our lives can seem, from the outside, to be much ado about nothing, especially when the form of the ritual being carried out has long since lost its potency.
Rituals that are well-constructed combine meaning with power. They do change the person undergoing the ritual in mysterious ways, and may affect those witnessing the rite in transformative ways as well.
...humans use ritual to give order to their lives, to deepen feelings of communal belonging, and to transform the status quo, says a description of meaningful ritual from the book, Liberating Rites: Understanding the Transformative Power of Ritual, by Tom F. Driver.
When a child is born, comes of age or leaves home, a couple is joined in relationship, a new home is chosen or a new business formed, when an individual steps up to an increased level of leadership, graduates from his education or becomes seriously ill, must make amends for a transgression, or her life comes to an end, human beings benefit from formalized rituals that mark such powerful transitions.
Often a ritual is seen as a movement from a kind of limitation toward greater freedom, responsibility or power.
Ancient rituals were born in religious ceremonies full of meaning and mystery, but not all of these old forms have survived with their power intact. We might do well to recreate these in ways that are more meaningful to the individuals involved, rather than repeating forms that have lost their meaning.
Real Life Rituals, by my friend Karyl Huntley, shows us how to enter into sacred mystery by reclaiming the power of ritual in our lives. Karyl says, Many of life's experiences are so profound that they are difficult to describe in words. These are the precise experiences you invite when you perform a ritual: you move yourself into change or unity, surrender or gratitude, in ways that are so powerful that they are beyond words.
I think a lot about the transformative power of a ceremony as I prepare a couple’s wedding ceremony. Every one has its own flavor and feeling.
For a wedding to move beyond a gathering for a party following some mumbo-jumbo by an unknown officiant, to a place where the heart, emotion and mind of every person present is touched and awakened to the importance of what is happening, requires attention and care.
Don’t underestimate the value of this process for yourself. If you are experiencing a major transition, consider create a meaningful ritual to mark the change. It can liberate you from the grief or fear that such a change can evoke, and empower you to move forward in freedom and confidence.
Why Our Rites of Passage Matter
Tuesday, September 23, 2014