walking the sacred spiral
walking the sacred spiral
Hearts are naturally open. We can't really close them. This is why we create armor, walls, and barriers to them: to protect those open hearts so that they cannot be hurt more or again. Some people have done this so often and for so long that it may seem as if they never had the capacity for an open heart. But regardless of appearances, this is not the case. Armor and attack are not marks of a happy, well-adjusted soul, but of an embattled injured one.
The choice to toughen up and grow a thicker skin deadens us to life’s delights as much as its pain. Instead, the answer is to nurture ourselves, to self-soothe in healthy ways, to repair the hurt and forgive those whose own pain and deadened smallness or unskilled unawareness seeded their actions. There are so many options for doing this once we decide to do it that if you mean to create healing and a fuller, more satisfying life you will discover the ways that best fit you.
If obsessing over past hurts as a victim is your MO, stop that. You are
re-victimizing yourself and getting stuck in limitation. Rev. Dr. Michael Beckwith refers to this as snagnation: becoming snagged in negativity that bogs you down. It doesn't lead anywhere productive, and actually drains away your creative energy and attention, weakening you.
Turning our attention toward diligent self-healing and realistically acknowledging the truth opens us to transformation, healing and greater power than we may have known we had.
•Did you actually make a mistake? Good. What did you learn?
•Were you wronged? It is a reflection of the other, not you. You needn't take it on.
•What can you do now to take good care of you? Are you vengeful, plotting how you'll get even? You are sowing seeds of misery for yourself, if so. Revenge is continuous and cyclical. There is no resolution there, no happy ending.
An inspirational speaker once said, “The best revenge is a happy life.” What a great idea! Focusing attention on our own happiness, rather than past hurts, is a productive practice that can open up our lives to greater success and fulfillment.
Well-meaning friends, who already have a natural resilience and some immunity to slights, may think they are encouraging you to let go of such things more easily when they tell you to “Grow a thicker skin.” They mean well, but it isn’t really the road that will that will bring a sensitive person satisfaction.
Be grateful for the friends who are, by nature, less easily hurt. It isn’t that they are tough-hearted; they are simply differently skilled and sensitive. Their encouragement comes from love, so accept it for what it is, and find your own best way forward with your naturally open heart.
You were created with a softer heart for a reason. Your skill-building challenge is not about toughening up; it is about landing lightly, letting go quickly, mastering forgiveness and choosing trustworthy companions and colleagues with more discernment.
Your heart is the guide that will lead you there if you let it do its work well. Return again and again to the people and practices that support your wellbeing.
Sensitive? Refuse to Grow a Thicker Skin
Friday, May 1, 2015