walking the sacred spiral
walking the sacred spiral
Did you ever see the science fiction comedy spoof Galaxy Quest? In it, a group of television actors–who had starred in an old, popular science fiction series, who have been mistaken for experts–are invited into space as advisors by an alien crew battling a cunning enemy. One of the slogans used repeatedly in the television series by the Capt. Kirk-like lead television character was, “Never give up; never surrender!” Is that actually good advice?
What is a healthy balance between perseverance and letting go? Is it ever time to surrender and let go? How do we know when that time has come? Do we give up too soon and too easily? Do we hold on too long?
When we hold on too long, we usually do it out of fear. We don’t let go because we are afraid of being without _____. (You name it.)
When we give up too soon, we often lack faith in ourselves or our vision. We haven’t tried everything yet, but we’re giving up anyway. We’ve decided all effort is futile before taking the really uncomfortable risks. These are the things we’re too afraid to try, or have too much pride to try, or are simply unwilling to try. We avoid asking for help, knowing we might be called out about those things we’re avoiding.
When actions we avoid would be violations of our deeply held values, we’re right to let go and to choose to remain in integrity with our values.
ANYTHING BUT THAT!
When we say “no” to taking action out of some fear, usually that’s an indication that we need to examine the fear more deeply. Is that fear accurate and realistic? Is our fear based on something valid? Or is it based on our assumptions and imaginings about un-investigated images, opinions and ideas?
Choosing to give up out of pride or embarrassment, avoidance or fear, is premature, unnecessary surrender. We don’t have enough information about what’s possible unless we’ve explored all the reasonable possibilities.
If you’ve tried everything you can think of, even the things that pushed you into areas you normally avoided out of fear or embarrassment, and you’ve consulted with trusted mentors who have no further suggestions, then it’s time to let go.
There have been four times in my life I can immediately call to mind that I consciously chose to stick with a goal until I had tried everything I could to address the situation.
In all four cases, the actions I chose were ones I had vigorously avoided. To take those actions I had to walk into my fear and risk rejection, failure and embarrassment.
In all four cases my courage and self-esteem were strengthened, even though in two of those cases, after doing everything I could, I eventually had to let go. I discovered I could do what I had thought I couldn’t. In the other cases, the risks I took proved successful.
I could let go of the others without regret, because I knew I had done every good, effective thing I could imagine that might work.
When all my work was done, and those situations didn’t shift, I knew that I had served them as well as I was able to, and they had served me as well as they could. Some things do need to be released, and I could finally let them go and walk away without regret.
But what about persevering?
NEVER GIVE UP; NEVER SURRENDER!
I remember persevering once because I was pressured to do so by my immediate boss. Having no choice (or so I thought), I imagined what would be effective and unexpected, and did that. It worked!
Other times I’ve persisted past old fear-based limits because I realized that my training in “how to be a good girl” taught me to be polite and yielding–to give up, rather than grow up–so the limits of my comfort zone were boundaries that had been established for a girl, rather than for a woman, and needed to be expanded and redrawn.
Sometimes a good woman needs to be much more than just a good girl. She needs to be firm and strong–sometimes even fierce–when the situation calls for it.
I’ve learned that repetition is magic, attention is fertilizer, and that what I persist in practicing moves me toward mastery.
YOU CAN DO THIS
When I stop trying now, I choose to use it as a rest stop, committing to myself that I will get right back onto my goals after the break. I work with colleagues and mentors who understand the nature of balancing courageous action with breaks, and have experience helping others get moving again.
How about you? Do you hang on too long? Do you give up too easily?
If you want a more satisfying life where you aren’t getting stuck for long periods of time, choose work with someone who can support you in exploring boundaries and taking effective action, so you can put your energy into ideas, people and goals that lift you up, rather than those motivated by fear and separation.
Sometimes we need encouragement to keep going; sometimes we need experienced people to ask us good questions and offer guidance and strategies to help us identify our fears and move through them.
Don’t waste your precious life going in circles. Invest in yourself instead–you’re worth it, and the world needs what you have to give.
How to Know When It’s Time to Let Go
Tuesday, October 18, 2016