walking the sacred spiral
walking the sacred spiral
It’s been a while since I sent out a newsletter. As things have been unfolding in the election news and the recent massacre in Orlando at a gay club, I can’t imagine a better time to write. Yet I feel hesitant. A bit overwhelmed. Perhaps you do, too.
Caregivers often experience exhaustion, and even those of us who are just taking in the news from afar can experience compassion fatigue. That’s where we want to care, but we just can’t any more without some rejuvenation. We need time to regroup and digest what we’ve seen and heard in order to find a way to respond.
When we have the luxury of really stepping back and doing this it may be a sign that–most likely–we aren’t the ones directly affected by what has occurred. People in the thick of what is happening don’t have the ability to do that. It stays with them night and day. There is no escape. They have to stay with the process for as long as it takes.
If you are able to step back or turn your attention completely away to other things, forgetting all about the tragedy in Florida, you are privileged. Not because of anything you’ve done wrong. I’m not leveling an accusation. It’s an observation.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY “PRIVILEGE”?
White people have the privilege of not seeing racially painful movies or television or reading books about these events. People who experienced these events, or whose ancestors did, are immersed constantly in their aftereffects without an option for turning them off. It’s part of the fabric of their everyday lives.
Similarly, for those in the LBGTQ communities, an event like this triggers fear that lives under the surface for many people. The fear is sleeping, but with vigilance always nearby. While the rest of the world loses interest and the story drops out of the news it lives on in the lives of those who were directly and indirectly affected.
THE HEALING POWER OF LISTENING
All people want to feel safe, loved, understood and cared about. A recent Facebook post highlighted this in a thought-provoking way. It was a video of a former CIA undercover officer, Amaryllis Fox, describing what she had learned from 10 years of experience dealing with “enemies.” “The only real way to disarm your enemy is to listen to him,” she said.
What a mind-blowing concept! Listen to the other person’s real concerns and needs. She begins by saying, “If I learned one lesson from my time with the CIA, it is this: Everybody believes they are the good guy.”
This matches what I learned about playing a character well in any play. The actor has to understand why the character believes, behaves, and wants the things they do. The actor has to come from that character, and to do that the actor cannot judge the character, but has to play them as they would see themselves: as the good guy.
If we assumed that people actually have good reasons for their beliefs and behavior–reasons we might agree with if we had had their experiences and lived their lives–we might open some doors and build some bridges, rather than wasting so much more time building walls, blowing them up, and then building bigger ones.
To listen, we have to stop feeling defensive. We have to take at least a little responsibility for the problem. We have to offer honest, authentic responses rather than reactions. We have to stop interrupting with counter-accusations and get curious. We have to be willing to do what we say we will do to help the problem.
When we turn away from challenges that are smoldering in the world, we are in hiding and denial. It seems like these things don’t affect us, but they absolutely do. Because we are all connected on this small planet. Instead of turning away, let’s take hold of these issues and look at them together, declaring that the challenges we face do not have the power to overcome or overwhelm us, because we are determined to make a difference in them that benefits everyone concerned.
WE DON’T HAVE TO KNOW “HOW” TO BEGIN
It doesn’t begin with knowing “how.” It begins with the declaration and patient, relentless persistence. The “how” will reveal itself as we go once the declaration has been made.
Please don’t hide out in fear. The world needs your voice, your heart, your mind and hands. We all need them, and you need ours. If not now, when? If not us, who?
Are You In Hiding?
Wednesday, June 15, 2016