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Making Space for Grief

Mon, 5 Mar 2012 00:00:00 -0800

Early in January a dear family member made her transition to the next adventure of life after a long decline. By the time she made her exit she had lost most of her hearing, had cataracts in both eyes and could barely walk. We found out after her death that she also had a large internal mass.
Throughout her dance with extreme old age she was ever loving, graceful and sweet, never complaining or feeling sorry for herself. Her interest in food had declined, and we tried to entice her with various different combinations without much success. She was in her nineties.

At least, if she had been a human being that would have been her age. As it was, Morgan was about 14 1/2 years old. She had been a member of our family all of that time with the exception of the first few weeks of her life. We loved her well, and she loved us.

For those who are not animal lovers and have no experience of them as family members, such a loss seems easily remedied: just get another dog. For us there is no replacing Morgan. We notice her absence daily and we miss her.
If you are one blessed by an animal family member, you know that our non-human relatives are delightful, frustrating, funny, entertaining, inconvenient, worrisome, and precious to us. They contribute richness to our lives in countless ways, and we must honor the process of grieving and releasing them as it flows through us, just as we do with the loss of anyone we hold dear.
We love them through their dying process. We remember them with stories and photographs, laughter and tears. We give their memory a place of honor in our homes. We breathe through the moments when we miss them intensely, shedding tears as they come, and then breathe prayers of gratitude for the years of love we shared.

If you are grieving the passing of a beloved animal, visit the website for the Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement. Along with many other online resources, they provide an extensive list of specialized categories to support you in decision making for end-of-life, suggestions to support children in the grieving process, and a bibliography of other good resources.
Finally, be gentle with yourself and others as you let go and go on.

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Video Clips That Inspire

Mon, 4 Jul 2011 16:59:46 -0700

If you haven’t visited my FAV VIDEOS, I encourage you to do so. Some of these clips may have been forwarded to you by friends, but some you might have missed. These are meaningful to me because they remind me of the amazing power of the human spirit and consciousness. And some of them make me sigh or giggle, too. Take a few moments and savor these. See if they don’t uplift your day.

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What You State You Create

Sat, 2 Jul 2011 00:00:00 -0700

Whether celebrating Canada Day, or Independence Day in the U.S., or marking the beginning of July anywhere, the questions arise: who do you think you are and how are you experiencing your freedom?

In this Two Minute Miracle, Rev. Mary shares our true identity, the basis of complete freedom for each one of us. Take a moment to reclaim your power and freedom by watching and considering your own identity of magnificence.

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What Is The Legacy of Osama Bin Laden?

Mon, 2 May 2011 00:00:00 -0700

I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the... death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.
–Martin Luther King, Jr.

When President Obama addressed the world to announce that Osama bin Laden was dead, having been killed by a Navy SEALs operation in Pakistan, celebrations in the U.S. began immediately.

A question came to my mind as I thought about his violent death. Were these celebrations of justice? Of revenge or vengeance? Of relief?

There will be a legacy we experience as a result of the impact Osama bin Laden had in the world. That legacy is up to each of us. Will we be more fearful, rejecting or judgmental of those whose principles and appearance are different? More polarized? Will we seek to reach out and create bonds across our differences?

The world will change no matter–that’s a given. Change is the nature of life. How it will change is up to us. We have it within us to make the world a more fit place for all human beings. We can say, “let them do it, then we’ll join in.” But the place for starting is always here, now, with exactly who we are and what we have. To paraphrase what someone wise has said, “If not now, when? If not you and me, who?”

The real legacy of Osama Bin Laden will show up in our choices now. If we are more fearful and fragmented, more separated as human beings, more ready to condemn and seek vengeance, he was successful in his desire to undo us. If we are more than he thought we were capable of, we will have overcome his narrow vision for our future.

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Wedding Tip #6: A Brilliant Ring Blessing Option

Sat, 30 Apr 2011 17:35:42 -0700

Friends of mine recently attended a wedding between a Muslim woman and a Jewish man. The grandmother of the groom crocheted a lace doily and to decorate a special ring pouch made from the flags of Pakistan and Denmark. The doily decorated the bag and the wedding rings were placed inside.

During the wedding ceremony, the pouch was passed among the guests, where each person held the pouch over his or her heart to bless it. After the pouch had lovingly passed from one person to the next, it reached the altar in time for the ring exchange. Once the pouch returned to the wedding party, the rings were exchanged in the usual way.

This is a brilliant alternative to the usual blessing of the rings that is done only by the clergy person performing the ceremony. It is a great way to include the guests in a commitment to support the love of this couple as they embark on their shared life together. The process also demonstrates to the couple how very loved they are by their families and friends.

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Where to Focus When the Floor is Shifting

Wed, 6 Apr 2011 00:00:00 -0700

If you feel like there is chaos in your home life or work, you are in good company. It seems as if the population of the planet is going through a major transformation. We are invited, in no gentle manner it seems, to let go of the worn out idea that the source of supply for our life is (choose as many as apply) work, commissions, a spouse, an inheritance, investments, retirement pensions, the government, or lottery winnings.

It is a mistake to assume that one of these is the actual source. Every one of them is a channel of an infinite source of supply. Infinite supply doesn’t seem to be in evidence for a lot of people at the moment. But there has never been a time of widespread upheaval and seeming lack that wasn’t eventually followed by a time of prosperity. Cycles are natural.

The cycles aren’t much comfort when we are in the midst of the lean times. We have to look elsewhere to find our balance when the ground we stand on seems unreliable. Certainly the world of effects is not the place to focus, so where do we look for stability?

This is where spiritual practice has a proven track record. Jesus, one of the world’s greatest spiritual avatars, pointed the way when he said, “the kingdom of God is within you.” When we have exhausted ourselves looking for exterior comfort and experts to fix what ails us or the planet, we may find that the nourishment we were seeking was there all along. Not in our attachments. Not in our requirements. Not in our entitlements. Not in our preferences. In ourselves.

We discover the flow of Infinite Source when we:
1. spend daily quiet time in prayer and meditation, both speaking and listening within
2. consistently seek ways to give back to life from what we have, and to receive graciously and gratefully
3. limit our exposure to what discourages us and actively seek out that which inspires and energizes us

If you don’t have an active spiritual practice, begin today. Sit still for 5 minutes and focus on these simple phrases:
God is. I am. Here and now.
God is able. I am willing. All is well.

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Judgment in Action: The Charlie Sheen Phenomenon

Mon, 7 Mar 2011 17:09:55 -0800

Lately I have been frustrated and uncomfortable when watching the morning network news programs or nighttime talk shows. Perhaps some of you feel similarly. For those of us on a spiritual path of some kind the hot topic on these is no less compelling than for people of no spiritual practice. We turn to look at a car accident when driving past. The popular television and magazine obsession with the downward spiraling of Charlie Sheen is a current variation on this tendency.

Do we feel compassion for him? Fascination? Anger? Disgust? Do we enjoy him as fodder for entertainment and comedians?

It is difficult to know just what to think and feel. We are accustomed to feeling compassion, even forgiveness and understanding for those who express remorse for mis-steps. But what about those who flaunt mis-steps with pride and seem not only unrepentant, but cocky about troublesome behavior–who even seem incapable of seeing what is really happening to them and perceiving themselves with some measure of accuracy?

Do you have addicts among your family or friends? Do you have loved ones with mental illnesses? If not, it may be a simple matter to make fun of a famous and unsympathetic celebrity like Charlie. He can be written off so easily as just another delusional egomaniacal actor. But looking more deeply is painful and difficult, particularly if you have been around anyone who struggles, or has struggled, with these challenges.

When we care about people who have cancer, diabetes, or some chronic physical illness, we don’t blame them. It is rare–perhaps unheard of–to see comedy directed at the manifestations of people with multiple sclerosis or spinal cord injuries. Our sympathy is evoked, or at least our respectful attempt at not bringing attention to their pain as an opportunity to laugh. But what to do with people like Charlie–people we don’t know personally–whose outrageous behavior provides so much apparent material for comedy?

If we are engaged in spiritual practice, perhaps we could consider finding a balance between changing the channel, active prayer for Charlie’s highest and best next steps (we don’t need to specify what these should be for him), and becoming aware of our own inner turmoil and discomfort. While there may be no perfect response, Charlie does offer an in-our-faces opportunity to practice radical compassion rather than the easier default to dismissive judgment.

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How to Attract Your Valentine

Wed, 16 Feb 2011 16:14:13 -0800

Often when we consult relationship experts we are given the suggestion to make a list of the qualities we most want in our soul mate. These lists are long and idealistic, leaving nothing to chance. This is a good exercise, especially if we are willing to complete it and then apply it to ourselves. Are we that person we have described? If not, we are less likely to attract a partner with those qualities. Ernest Holmes, the author of The Science of Mind, wrote that it is not true that we can have anything we want. We can only have what we can embody ourselves.

There are two reasons why this is good news. In this Two Minute Miracle, Rev. Mary tells us why working to become the list we have written works wonders.

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